Responsibility for your parents as they grow old
In Norway, adult children have no legal duty to care for their parents — it's the municipality that must provide the health and care services a person needs. Other countries draw that line differently. But wherever you live, most of the practical work ends up with the family, and then the question is less about law and more about how you share it between you.
What the municipality is responsible for in Norway
In Norway, the municipality where your parent lives must provide the health and care services they need. That means home care, equipment and aids, a personal alarm, day centres, short-term stays and, in time, a place in a care home. You apply to the municipality's service office, and you can apply on your parent's behalf with power of attorney. If you're turned down you can appeal, and the deadline is in the decision. Elsewhere the provider and the process differ — in England, for example, it starts with a care needs assessment from the local council — but the lesson is the same: many families carry tasks for years that they could have had help with, simply because nobody knew what to ask for.
What falls to the family regardless
What the public services don't cover is all the glue around it: shopping, going along to appointments, paperwork and bills, calls that have to be taken during working hours, visits, and noticing that something is starting to change. It isn't nursing care, but it takes time and it takes up space in your head. It's also where friction between siblings starts, because the work is invisible to everyone except whoever is doing it.
Write down what's actually being done
Before you discuss who should do more, make a list of what gets done today. Include the small things: who rings when the prescription hasn't been collected, who remembers the birthday, who answers when home care calls at nine on a Tuesday. The list tends to surprise everyone, including whoever has done the most, because much of it has never been said out loud.
Share by capacity, not by fairness
A perfectly equal split is rarely possible. Whoever lives in the same town will always make more urgent trips than whoever lives four hours away. What tends to work is sharing by what each of you can actually give: whoever lives nearby takes the physical tasks, whoever is good with paperwork takes the applications and bills, whoever has a flexible job takes the daytime appointments. Whoever can't give time can give money for taxis or cleaning.
A fixed rhythm instead of constant negotiation
What wears people out isn't the tasks, it's having to arrange them again every week. A simple duty week that rotates between siblings, and a short regular catch-up once a month, removes most of the small negotiations. Everyone knows who is responsible right now, and whoever has the week doesn't have to ask for help every time.
Remember your parent's own voice
As long as Mum or Dad can decide for themselves, it's their life and their choice. That includes choices you disagree with, like staying at home longer than you think is wise. Ask what they would like help with, and what they'd rather be left to do themselves. An overview made over the head of the person it's about rarely stays in use for long.
Questions and answers
Are adult children legally responsible for their parents?
In Norway, no. Norwegian law doesn't require adult children to care for or support their parents; responsibility for the health and care services a person needs lies with the municipality. The practical responsibility families take on is voluntary, even if it rarely feels that way. Some other countries do place a legal duty — usually a financial one — on adult children, so check what applies where your parent lives.
What do I do if my siblings won't pitch in?
Start by showing what's actually being done, without listing who has let whom down. A written list of tasks moves the conversation from feelings to sharing out the work. If the answer is still no, you'll have to plan around the help that exists, and ask the council or care services for more.
Who applies for help from the public services?
Your parent applies themselves, or you apply on their behalf with power of attorney. In Norway, contact the service office in the municipality where they live; elsewhere, the local council or health service. If the situation is urgent, say so clearly — urgent cases are usually dealt with faster.
Do we have to agree on everything?
No. You need to agree on who does what this week, and who rings whom. You can disagree about the rest for a long time without it affecting your parent.
How do we start when nothing has been sorted out?
Make an overview of the appointments, the regular tasks, who has the week, and the phone numbers for home care, the GP and the pharmacy. Share it with your siblings. It takes a few minutes and clears up most of the confusion.
Make the overview for your family
Appointments, regular tasks, the duty week and the phone numbers in one text you can paste into the family chat. Free, no account.
Make your overviewOther things we've made
Also for families keeping the everyday coordinated between them.
Also for families keeping the everyday coordinated between them.
Also for families keeping the everyday coordinated between them.
Also in Norwegian, made by the same people.